Did you covet your neighbor's ass while I was gone?

• Back from a short vacation, I find out there's a Honfest a couple of blocks down, which means one thing: It's going to be harder to find parking later.

• I read this Sun article about inflated crime statistics. So many words, so little sense. I mean, I know what this article was about, but I don't know what the writer was trying to say. Here's his picture. What's with the full-length photo, by the way? Headshots are out nowadays? 

• I heard that in the two weeks I was gone, God has brought The Flood upon the city. What did I tell you about using bad language and coveting your neighbors' asses? I'm afraid to go down to the flooded basement. I might have Gremlins living there now.