First Jenna, Now Zappa!

Didn't I say things were going to start happening here once Jenna moves in? From the amount of Google searches on this modest corner of the virtual world, it seems people are interested. More then interested--they want to know her exact address. Now, of course I don't know her Baltimore address, but I have a free clue: if you read about a horrible crime in Baltimore, you're safe to bet she doesn't live around there.

Here's another clue:

If you see people who look like actors from The Wire wondering around an apartment building (meaning people who don't look like Baltimore natives), these are probably Secret Service.

Anyway, to the subject at hand:

Something about Frank Zappa, a statue, and some Eastern European country. Here's a quote:

"As an artist, and much more than that, he has meant a great deal to the Lithuanian people."

And the people of Baltimore get to say what they think. Still, one has to wonder what makes 58 people go through the trouble of voting if their answer is "Don't Care."

So, How Did You Celebrate Hazardous Material Recycling Day?

How did the people involved with this story celebrate? --Just a recap, in case you don't feel like reading the article:

Elementary school teacher drops weed from her purse. a student says, "I think you dropped something." Then: "After students reported the incident to the principal, the teacher was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana."

A few issues come up:

1. What level of stress do you have to be in, that you just have to bring weed with you to school? I mean, I can understand high-school teachers on anti-depressants; after all, that's a dangerous job in Baltimore. But if you're an elementary school teacher, you should be able to cope a little bit better, or at least wait to get home. After all, teachers in Baltimore City elementary schools basically hand out crayons and stare at the clock. Sounds easy enough.

2. Do you think some of these students will one day look back and regret going to the principal office? If statistics are correct, then 75% of people tried marijuana. This means 75% of the kids in the class will try marijuana (and 25% of these kids will lie in polls). And this means some of these kids will grow feeling they took the wrong side on the war on drugs.

3. Not to blame the kids. They've been brainwashed into thinking the same drugs that destroy their city had just fallen out of their teacher's purse. Their fear and sense of betrayal is understandable.

4. And as for me, I drove to the other side of town to drop off my propane tanks. It's time to admit an uncomfortable truth: I will never use the bar-b-que.

Happy HMRD!

Don't Get Me Wrong

I love the city. It has some incredible historical landmarks, for example. I'm not talking ancient history, but still--all in all, the city has some sentimental value to us all. We were once and may still become the center of East Coast culture, now that New York is a Disney town. John Waters brings out our edgy side. The Wire makes us world-renown, even if it is for the wrong reasons. Mencken... well, there's a lot to turn a blind eye to, but it still leaves a lot to be proud of.

And yet, when you hear about the crime and the stupidity of it all, when you see how the city slowly disappears behind ugly new construction, you have to think that maybe, just maybe, the city could have used some of those tornadoes that hit the County yesterday.

I Want to Believe, Really.

(img via Baltiless)

Now that Jenna is coming over to light up our lives, it's important to try to see Baltimore as the place people go to, rather than the place people escape.

Case in point, David Hasselhoff was born in Baltimore.

This trend will end. Never again will a visit by Kevin Bacon be headline-worthy!

Now that Jenna is coming, everything is going to be fine. Believe.

As soon as they get the slots thing going. And as soon as people here stop killing each other. And how come the weather is always too cold or too hot? (Not today. Today was pretty frickin' glorious.)

And the gangs. And the teen mothers smoking outside the laundromat.

And the drugs. And the war on drugs.

Just a few more things to deal with before you come, Jenna. Give us some time--we want things to perfect for you here.

Jenna Does Baltimore

And I thought it would be difficult to find an adequate post for an Insane Baltimore blog.

Yep, now that Jenna bought a house in Baltimore, I must confess this city has just become a whole lot weirder.

But will it mean crime will go down in the city? Or maybe just on South Charles Street?

Still, all I can do is think how sex between these two must be like. They have good teeth--have to give them that.

Welcome, the whitest people in Baltimore.